Archive | July, 2012

Great Website!

23 Jul

Lots of links and terrific videos from lots of different folks! Check it out and let me know what you think!


Choose NOW!

19 Jul

“We can be unhappy about many things, but joy can still be there….It is important to become aware that at every moment of our life we have an opportunity to choose joy…It is in the choice that our true freedom lies, and that the freedom is, in the final analysis, the freedom to love.”                          Henri J.M.Nouwen

Transforming Family

11 Jul

This beautiful little film redefines those traditional norms so many of us grew up accepting as reality ( please see my post,  “Admitting to Lows”). I hope you will view the link and enjoy the love that shines through!


Unlearning the “Trapped in the Wrong Body” Narrative

11 Jul
You may have watched this week’s Dateline NBC piece about the 11-year-old transgender girl, Josie Romero of Tucson, Arizona. While I was watching, I thought about the strength and courage in took Josie and her parents to share such a private journey with the world. I imagined families with trans-children connecting with Josie’s struggle of anxiously awaiting hormone blockers and hormone therapy while the debate continued if these steps were “appropriate”. The piece made me worry for Josie- adolescence can be challenging enough without the world (literally!)being privy to one’s intimate details.

The following link will take you to Janet Mock’s webpages “Fish Food for Thought”. Janet is not only beautiful, but more importantly, intelligent and articulate. She discusses her reaction to Dateline’s almost immediate and expected question to Josie,“Do you feel trapped in the wrong body?”. I hope you will take time to read Janet’s “Trans in the Media: Unlearning the “Trapped” Narrative & Taking Ownership of Our Bodies”. Take a tour of Janet’s site, her other posts and her videos. Enjoy!

Thirty Examples of Privilege

9 Jul
Lists are all the rage! Every magazine on the rack seems to have a hook: 5 new ways to …fill in the blank: lose weight standing up? Reconnect with your partner? Ten ways to feed your family more healthfully? Well, here is a link to an interesting list that can help us all consider the unspoken benefits of being cisgendered- while helping us consider our trans-loved ones. Check it out!

Admitting to Lows

5 Jul

This is a season filled with celebrating events: graduations, retirements and weddings to name three to which I have recently attended. Therefore, it seems that my  “engrained expectations” seem to be at hand when I am at such a gathering. As a child of the 60’s and coming of age in the 70’s in a family well steeped in “traditional American values”, I sometimes find myself off-kilter during such events. I grew up KNOWING and assuming that (like most of my friends’ children actually are) I would have cis-gendered, heterosexual, and successful (by upper-middle class standards) children that were Democrats and held typical occupations (are you rolling your eyes?). This is what I actually believed ever since the age of what, three? five? I dreamed of wearing a white wedding dress and having beautiful children and that those children would, in turn, do the same. That was until, well, I went through a divorce and still later again, when my eldest informed us he was trans. And that I further realized that my trans-son would not conform to a “typical” lifestyle, nor occupation. I know, this is particularly loathsome and embarrassing to admit, but it is my truth. I own it.

So when I have occasion to attend events to which like-minded families converge and parents who were raised with similar beliefs stand around to reconnect through the sharing of updates of their growing or now adult children, it is as if my pre-programmed DNA screams, “Hey! Where is YOUR “normal” looking family? How are you gonna give the update on how YOUR son is doing?” Now mind you, not one of my friends is asking these questions, nor is anyone anything but supportive of my trans-son. No one is casting side-glances or conspiratorially whispering nearby. This is ALL IN MY HEAD.

I have to confess…when I sat and watched the traditional wedding ceremony realizing my son will never have anything to do with such spectacle, part of me was bummed. When I attended a recent retirement party and the hetero-son introduced his oh, so adorable fiancé, part of me was, yup, say it Girl: jealous.  After receiving the announcement containing a photo with parents embracing their hetero-child at a law-school graduation, I winced.  I have to admit there is a longing, an ache that is not present except for rare times such as these. Admittedly, that twinge was there A LOT when I first learned I was a trans-mom…but despite the months that have passed and all that I have learned about these expectations being ABSOLUTELY MEANINGLESS in what REALLY MATTERS in life…I acknowledge (in order to be honest with myself and with you) that I have been hard-wired to feel this kind of hurt.

So I hope you will join me in my quest to embrace the journey: accept that these pangs of doubt and loss will find their way to the surface now and again, but know that they are meaningless. Understand that just because we were programmed and immersed in propaganda of such standards- it is love, acceptance and tolerance that are the ONLY values that matter!