It’s a Brave New World!

28 Jan

There is a lot to take in when understanding a change in your child’s gender identity -especially when your child is an adult and you have had years of practice assuming you know your kid!  You have raised them by the gender they were assigned at birth and called them by the pronouns associated with that assigned gender. And now you are learning, as I did, that this identity did not ring authentic for them. Your child and mine see themselves outside of that which was assigned. For some it may mean identifying as female when they were born as male. Some females grow up to recognize themselves as male. And still others understand that theirs is a more fluid identity…not the binary we parents were raised to expect, but instead,  theirs is an identity that goes undefined because it can be both complex and dualistic. It may mean not being confined to loving or being attracted to only “opposite” partners.

When I was  growing up, the term, “queer” was considered extremely negative and used strictly as an insult. The many  folks that now consider themselves Queer or Gender Queer use the term with pride. I will not attempt to give the best definition for this identity…instead, I ask you to read a really great article that says it best!

What I have learned during my journey, is that I really knew so little and assumed so much! I had to become open enough to consider that identities involved choices and alternatives. I had to work on being less judgmental so that I could recognize folks deserve to be happy; and what that happiness looks like and lives like- is their call!

I hope you will read the link and consider. It’s not a “black n white-this is how it is and only how it is” world any more. We live in a technicolor time, full of possibility!

Enjoy reading!




11 Responses to “It’s a Brave New World!”

  1. Suzie January 28, 2017 at 7:33 pm #

    Thank you we are at the beginning of the journey which after 20 years is confusing because of lack of knowledge, I find your posts really helpful x

    • transmom January 29, 2017 at 5:57 am #

      I’m so happy to hear that, Susie! I hope you will check out my earlier posts as well as my resources page. Good luck to you and your family!!

      • Suzie January 29, 2017 at 1:13 pm #

        Thank you! We already have seen some changes towards a much happier person although at the moment there seems to be such a long waiting time for treatment that she is finding it a struggle. She is such a brave and beautiful soul and we are really proud of her. What is your Facebook page called please? I can’t find it.

      • transmom January 31, 2017 at 4:46 am #
        Looking forward to talking with you!

  2. Peggy January 29, 2017 at 12:03 am #

    Thank you so much for all the information you post on this site! It is encouraging and helps me feel supported as I help my trans daughter in her journey. As a young adult in her early 20’s she is so much happier being female and I am so proud of the courage it took for her to get there. Are there any Facebook groups for parents ( moms) of transgender kids you could recommend? Thanks!

    • transmom January 29, 2017 at 6:05 am #

      Hi Peggy! I am delighted to be of help! And I am so proud to hear how supportive you are – finding the positive in her transition and using the correct pronouns!! GREAT FOR YOU!! I have a FB page associated with this site…if you private message you, I’d love to put you in contact with a dear friend of mine: her son transitioned in her early 20’s also, and like you, she was very supportive!…I bet you two would have great conversations!!

      • Suzie January 29, 2017 at 1:17 pm #

        Would it be very cheeky to pass on my details too? Hope you don’t mind me asking (PS I found your FB group) x

      • Peggy January 29, 2017 at 11:00 pm #

        Sorry to be ignorant on this, but am I to leave a messsage for you via your Facebook site, and if so, how do I locate it? Or am I to message you in another way?

      • transmom January 31, 2017 at 5:05 am #

        yes, message me and i will reply!!

  3. LaReese Ballmer February 24, 2017 at 3:08 pm #

    i was told a year ago that my child is trans-gendered. I have accepted that to the best of my ability. I have moments of crisis and moments of joy. I am hoping to find a network of support and to enhance my understanding and acceptance. It is easy to accept a T-girl or T-guy when they are not your birth child. It is more difficult when that child is yours. If anyone can direct me to blogs or sites, I would be eternally grateful.

    • transmom February 24, 2017 at 7:41 pm #

      Hi LaReese! I hope that you will read over some of the emails with mothers just like you!!! that are hear on this blog! This is NOT an easy journey- especially when we know our children’s rights and the ease in which they might be able to move through society has been narrowed this very week! I encourage you to look at the podcasts I listed on my site on Feb 5 (click on to the right of my page) , as well as my Resources page (click on at the top of my blog home page). There are books, organizations, and blogs listed there.
      LaReese, one of the very best gifts I gave my child was finding a support group! Being with other parents going through the same thing and navigating this road with others absolutely got us through feeling great about ourselves!! I HIGHLY recommend that you contact your local LGBT Center to find a group near you! If you live in the LA area, I can connect you!!
      The very best to you!! Keep up the great work- this is YOUR process!!

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