If you are interested in sharing your experiences as a “trans mom,” send me a message at firstname.lastname@example.org!
Another Mother’s Amazing and Inspirational Experience
I am THRILLED to have a place to share the experiences of other “transmoms”! Below you will have the opportunity to share in an incredible story. The warrior mom (aren’t each of us fighting for our kids?!) below, chose to take what could have been (understandably!!) a sad reminder of what she once enjoyed and was no longer, and transformed her feelings into a most positive, loving, and supportive experience. Transmoms- we can ALL learn from this wonderful mother’s example of LOVE!
Last week I was reorganizing a drawer when my fingers grazed something hard. I reached down and found an old key chain I had saved from when my kids were little. It was made of worn out ceramic beads that spelled my kids’ names– Spencer and Nick. I blinked back tears as I immediately thought about the court hearing just a few days away. Nick was changing his name to Kaylee, and his gender to female. It’s been 11 months since Kaylee told me about being transgender, and I have really calmed down a great deal about the transition. But those ceramic beads temporarily re-opened feelings of loss. Sometimes it’s a photo, an old pair of sneakers, an old toy, and there I go, thinking about what was. I put the key chain back in the drawer and pushed away the sad thoughts.
What better way to deal with my feelings than to go to the mall and find a name/gender change gift for Kaylee. My sister calls it “retail therapy” and, wow, I needed it. I chose a beautiful jewelry box and had the inside engraved with these words: “Start living the life of your dreams today. We love you, Mom & Dad.” I also added the date of the hearing, October 3, 2012.
The day arrived and my husband and I went to court where we met Kaylee and her girlfriend. The judge asked us all to come into her chambers, and she could not have been more sensitive or kind in conducting the hearing. She asked who we all were and how Kaylee had chosen her name. She approved the paperwork and signed the Decree…Kaylee was elated and we were happy for her!!! We all hugged and left the judge’s chambers.
The celebration continued at a local restaurant, where my sister and brother-in-law joined in. Just after we sat down, I got a phone call from a friend back east who I last saw in July. She said she had something important to tell me about Kaylee. We are not the kind of friends who talk to each other a lot, it’s really our husbands who are close friends, so I thought it was strange that she would call at that very moment. She said she had been to see a psychic that day and in the middle of the reading, the psychic asked her if she knew a Kaylee. My friend thought of us and answered yes. The psychic said that Kaylee’s parents were the perfect people to help the sensitive soul that Kaylee is. She said that Kaylee was very happy within herself, with feet planted firmly on the ground and that she would be successful in the world and would give back. I was stunned. What were the odds of getting a call from this particular friend immediately after the hearing (of which she had no knowledge) with such an incredible message about Kaylee??
It was strangely magical, just like Kaylee’s transformation. We all marveled at the beauty of the morning’s events as we started eating breakfast and enjoying each other. The day I had been sad about, had turned into one of the best days, as new memories formed.
“Blurred Gender” by Lisa
I am happy to introduce you to a warrior mom! It will be clear as you read the following guest blog that we ARE able to embrace our children and support those around us in the process! Please pass the word!
I am the mother of a son who blurs the lines between boy and girl. For many this is a non-issue. However, for many we know it is the only issue. Navigating the confines of our society’s gender binary when you are a child, like mine, is foggy. Since the age of three my son, Morgan, blurred his parents idea of what is acceptable for a boy – his version included practically living in a Tinkerbell costume (and a couple years later wearing that same costume to a performance at the Pacific NW Ballet).
My husband and I have long advocated for equal rights for the LGBTQ community. So we saw this behavior as proof that human sexual orientation is part of our DNA. For about a year we went bounding down the road of stereotypes, proudly claiming that our son is probably gay.
We quickly learned that people are not comfortable talking about any child’s sexuality, not to mention one that’s outside of heterosexuality. In addition, I started to question gender identity separately from sexual orientation. Is he gay? Could he be transgender? (I would convince myself of reasons why he’s not). The truth is we do not know, nor does my son…yet. More importantly it’s irrelevant. What is relevant is my child’s happiness. The beauty of happiness is that it looks different to each of us. For Morgan, today, it looks like painted fingernails, a purple scarf, lipstick and his favorite LEGO Star Wars t-shirt, and tomorrow is a new adventure for all of us.
I also knew that we weren’t alone. As Morgan approached kindergarten, I wanted to create relationships with other families like ours. We hadn’t met any other boys who played the same way he did. We felt if we had a network Morgan’s transition into school would be less bumpy. My husband and I worried about the unknowns of letting our child, that we nurtured, protected, taught, guided and loved with every ounce of our being, walk into a building of strangers, out of sight and out of reach. Fortunately, we have an amazing family, friends and community that embrace us exactly as we are with love, support, and encouragement. Born out of that, I created My Purple Umbrella.
With the help of a dear friend, Jane, we brought My Purple Umbrella to life (http://www.facebook.com/mypurpleumbrella). The mission of MPU is to provide a fun, safe, and creative environment for gender variant children 13 and under through play. Also, to facilitate a support network for families and caretakers by providing resources via educators, medical specialists and media. Since our inception, we’ve expanded our criteria to include families with same sex parents, transgender parents, relatives, and friends of MPU kids. It is our belief that through MPU we can increase self-esteem, sense of worth, confidence, and skills for these children. From this mom’s perspective, it is my responsibility to create a space for Morgan to grow into a beautiful, loving, giving, and joyful human – whatever form that takes.